Tag: relationships

Once you decide to marry, you need to discuss, among all things- your sexual goals and sexual expectations.
Sex is not only an essential but the most beautiful part of an alliance. And hence when you start this journey, you should leave behind the wrong and preconceived ideas about sex.
It’s nowhere near whatever is portrayed in most Hollywood flicks. And it’s far away from the way it’s depicted in porno movies.
Sex is an experience that involves gratification for both partners.
What are the facts, common problems encountered, and the solution?
Here are some of the myths and facts-
1-Sex is not only about penile penetration, although it’s an essential part of the process.
2-Lasting longer does not guarantee contented sex. The world average for actual penile penetration is not more than five minutes. The scenario you see in porno movies- the man, lasting for hours- does not exist.
A man lasting for more than the average time might leave a woman high and dry.
And the one lasting for a minute could leave a woman fully satisfied if he knows the nuances of sex.
3- The long penis does not guarantee more satisfactory sex. The average vaginal length is 3 to 6 inches. And the most sensitive part of vaginal anatomy- the clitoris- is hardly deep. A very long penis is a discomfort for a woman.
4- Man has the disadvantage of having a refractory period in two orgasms that could last for 30 minutes to several hours. Meaning thereby after reaching climax, he has to wait for another erection. He is incapable of penetration during this period. While, a woman is capable of getting multiple serial orgasms without any waiting period.
5- More often than not, the penis fails to rub the clitoris because, in every woman the position of the clitoris varies. In this scenario lasting any length of time is not going to help.
6- The penis and clitoris are not the only erogenous zones. It could be breasts, nipples, inner thighs, lips, or ear lobules. Try to identify this zone in your partner.
7- Foreplay and after-play are the two most important stages of sexual experience.

Having understood this much of the basics, we can now move further, step by step.
1) The first night after the marriage is always heavily touted as the most important night. In India, it has a celebratory value. In the western world, things are different.
Penile intercourse- should be avoided on this night. Both the partners should spend this privacy on understanding each other.
The couple should speak to each other, try and develop a bond, fondle each other, and know the erroneous zones.
Once you go past this phase, then you can indulge in foreplay.
A man can ask his partner to lead his finger to her clitoris. A gentle rubbing for one minute can give her a full-blown orgasm.
Similarly, a woman can masturbate her man to orgasm.
By not resorting to intercourse on the first night, you are helping yourselves on two counts.
a) You are taking away the shin of an extra high sensitivity that might abort your first attempt at sex.
b) Man will not end up- getting premature ejaculation leaving the woman completely unsatisfied.
I have encountered many patients whose genesis of premature ejaculation (PME) lay in that first night. That one failure haunts them every time they try to have sex.
2) Wear a condom. That might take away a little fizz but won’t make the things messy, and it takes away a little bit of sensitivity.
3) Two common complaints we come across are-
a) Situational erectile dysfunction- Where a man gets an erection with one partner:; while miserably fails with another.
b) premature ejaculation.

For both conditions, the most common cause is over-excitability.
Sexual counseling works magic if both the partners are willing and cooperative.
Your counselor can make things easier for you.

Youths are not receiving the sex education they need and deserve.

There exists a gulf between what they require and what they get!

Sex education should help people acquire the information and skills they need to make the decisions for themselves about sex and relationships. It is about learning the emotional, physical, and social aspects of sexuality.

What is sex education?

Learning the basics of the following parameters-

1-Puberty

Puberty is the process of physical changes through which a child matures into an adult capable of sexual reproduction. Puberty brings out dramatic physical and mental changes in an unprepared child. The girls and boys should be aware of all the changes in their bodies.

2-Anatomy

Both the sexes should be taught about their sex organs. Boys should know about the anatomy of the genitalia of girls and vice versa.

3-Menstruation

Some girls experience menstruation at the age of nine. The parents need to understand that their child experiences sexual development as she grows up. One big talk will not help the daughter gather knowledge and awareness about sexual activity.

Girls should be taught about their menstrual cycles well in advance to make them ready for it in the future.

4-Contraceptives

They should have a fair idea about condoms, contraceptive pills- pros and cons, avoidance of unwanted pregnancy, and abortion.

5-Sexual orientation

To identify the genders to which they are sexually attracted. E.g. heterosexual, homosexual, etc

6-Gender identity and body image

Understanding the differences and similarities between the genders will help them know more about their body and how it changes as they grow up. This mindset will set up a foundation for future development in acquaintance with their friends or lovers.

7-Relationships

Why one should know the intricacies of relationships between

families, friends, acquaintances, and lovers?

8-Personal skills

Why communication skills- to make life better?

How does one set the boundaries?

How to negotiate?

How to make the decisions?

9-Sexual behavior

What is Sexual or gender-based harassment?

It includes — offensive or humiliating behavior. The conduct of a sexual nature creates an intimidating, unwelcome, hostile, or offensive work environment.

10-Sexual health

Sexually transmitted infections, HIV, birth control, pregnancy, and abortion

Sex education gives the young generation the information and skills needed for good sexual health.

They can learn how to have healthy relationships, make informed decisions about sex, think critically about the world, and love themselves for who and what they are.

Need for sex education and reasons to support sex education in schools

Sex education should be mandatory in school.

Sex education does not promote sex but does the opposite.

Here are some reasons to support sex education in school:

1-Teenagers need to know safer options

2- Sexually educated students are more likely to say no to unprotected sex.

3- Through sex education, you can teach teenagers the pros and cons of sex.

They can learn about sexually transmitted diseases, teenage and unintended pregnancy, and the emotional effects of sex.

It teaches the students how to reduce the risk by using various methods such as condoms, the pill, and hormonal contraceptives.

Teens are alarmed about these things and engage in responsible sexual behavior.

Sex education teaches the child the basics of puberty, body changes, development, and a comprehensive understanding of their bodies and how to say no to unwanted sexual activities.

Often children who are unaware of their developments find it annoying to feel changes in the body. Sex education prepares the child emotionally for the changes a human body goes through.

The objective of sex education is to help children understand the body of men and women and to improve their attitudes towards sexual and reproductive health behaviors.

It is about self-acceptance and embracing your own body.

Good sex education teaches the young generation what constitutes sexual trauma. Sometimes kids are unaware of the sexual exploitation they are experiencing. They hesitate to tell their parents about it because of ignorance. Sexual violence is wrong, and kids have the right to know about their bodies and ask for help if they get assaulted.

Parents need to educate their children about sex

Pornography has become the mainstay of sex education for teens. Children are curious. They gather information about sex before the parents can even imagine. Therefore, parents should take the initiative to teach their children.

Parents need to ensure that they provide correct information to their kids.

Parents keeping silent about sex education can be detrimental as the child will eventually learn about it from its peers and over the internet.

Pros of sex education of boys and girls together

*Having an open conversation with boys and girls can eliminate the stigma associated with sex.

*Boys and girls get to learn about their mutual experiences.

*They learn to communicate on sensitive topics and know a lot about each other that will help if and when they want to develop intimate relationships in the future.

*Teaching them together creates a comfortable space between the genders.

*Boys and girls can learn from different perspectives when discussed in the class together.

Cons of sex education of boys and girls together

*Parents may feel uncomfortable letting their daughters receive sex education with boys present.

*It is difficult for the experts to differentiate the instruction to meet the unique needs of boys and girls when taught together.

*There might be hesitancy in asking questions about menstruation or nocturnal emission.

*The school authorities need to answer the concerns expressed by parents.

Sex education should be compulsory in every school. Comprehensive sex education is mandatory for young people to prepare themselves for any bodily changes and maintain their healthy and hygienic well-being.

The parents should realize that sex education does not promote sexual activity.

It offers them an opportunity to cultivate an understanding of the human relationship.